• Tim

HOW MUCH HUMAN? Theoretical weight gained from: CANDY CANES

90% of the 1.72 billion candy canes produced in the United States are sold between Thanksgiving and Christmas, says the National Confectioners Association. How many human pounds does this Christmas crook cradle in a year?





The Roadmap


The #'s


The number sold is the same as it was when I typed it above. 1.72 billion candy canes are made in the US annually. What that number may or may not account for is:


The different sizes of candy canes:


1.72 billion OF WHICH SIZE???

The flavors seem to have different amounts of calories than the classic as well. To give you and idea of how complicated this could become, here's a list of just some of the non-tradish sabores and select calorie counts:


  • Clamdy Canes

  • Mac N' Cheese

  • Caramel Macchiato

  • Pickle

  • Sour Patch Kids

  • Bacon

  • Green Apple

  • Kale

  • Mystery

  • Pizza

  • Flavorless

  • Sweetarts

  • Wasabi

  • Gravy

  • Rotisserie Chicken

  • Coffee

  • Coal

  • Oreo—45 CALORIES

  • Swedish Fish

  • Pumpkin Pie

  • Sriracha— 60 CALORIES

  • Cinnabon

  • Bubble Gum

  • Gravy

  • Molasses

  • Starburst

  • Pixy Stix

  • Hot Cinnamon

  • Root Beer

  • Warheads

  • Chocolate Mint

  • Crayola— 60 CALORIES (what?)

  • Huckleberry

  • Watermelon

  • Blueberry

  • Hawaiian Punch

  • Jelly Belly—45 CALORIES

  • Rotisserie Chicken

  • Krampus

  • Brach'S Select Chocolate

  • Coal

  • Eggnog

  • Dum-Dum

  • Hamdy Canes (Ham Candy Canes)

  • Hershey's Chocolate Mint

  • Hot Tamales

  • Jelly Belly Gourmet

  • Jolly Rancher

  • Kale

  • Ketchup

  • Lemonhead

  • Life Savers

  • Lobster

  • Pizza

  • Pho

  • Shiitake Mushroom

  • Smarties

  • Starburst

  • Warheads Candy Canes

  • Soda

  • Chocolate Mint

  • Birthday Cake

  • Sugar Plum

  • Apple Pie

  • Froot Loops

  • Shitake

  • Red Velvet

  • Cold Stone Creamery

  • Root Beer— 60 CALORIES


So, you know, we need more precise sales numbers, candy guys.


The NUTRITION


Let's break it down:


  • Just kidding. It's a candy cane—there is none. Just pure cane sugar heh-heh and corn syrup.

But here we go (from spanglercandy.com):


Nutrition Facts: These Christmas candy canes are .44 oz in size, and a serving size is 1 cane, totaling 12 grams. 18 servings per container. 50 calories per serving size. 0 grams of fat, trans fat, sodium and protein. 12 grams of carbohydrates and 10 grams of sugar per serving.


Ingredients: Sugar, corn syrup, natural flavor, color added (includes Red 40)


Allergen Statement: This product is free of top common allergens and manufactured on dedicated equipment.


Whew.


Kosher Certification: This product is kosher certified.


Cool. For all the Kosher diet Jewish friends celebrating Christmas. I guess they exist...


Gluten Statement: This product is gluten-free.


Double whew.


Country of Origin: This product is made by Spangler Candy Company, Bryan, OH USA, or in a co-manufacturing facility located in Juarez, Mexico. Please see the label on your product for details.


This is where it gets tricky. These are made in Mexico. Do they count as part of the 1.72 billion or no? Ugh.


We're just gonna go with 1.72 billion average sized candy canes to avoid a rabbit hole of research. I got things to do....

The FORMULA


Calories Sold ÷ 3,500 calories* = Theoretical Human Weight

*1 lb human fat = 3,500 calories


1.72 billion X 50 calories each = 86,000,000,000 Calories Sold


86,000,000,000 Calories ÷ 3,500 calories* = Theoretical Human Weight


24,571,428.57 Pounds of Theoretical Human Weight



A little over 24.5 million pounds of human weight potentially gained from Candy Canes made in the USA each year. OK.


And here to judge us is Richard Simmons.


He doesn't look too upset, actually....

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