Happy Summer! Now let's ruin a deserved favorite tradition it by finding out how much theoretical weight Americans put on by firing up the grill and woofing down 7 billion hot dogs between Memorial Day and Labor Day.
I do it because I care.
Look, even I get cravings for a hot dog every o̶n̶c̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶w̶h̶i̶l̶e̶ few years if I'm at a dinner or party and there really is no other option and I need to eat something and for whatever reason I absolutely can't wait until I get home or leave to find something more palatable that won't make me cringe/gag as I'm falling asleep for years to follow because it's really just a solid, hot Slushee made of the inedible and unidentifiable parts of animal swept into an industrial blender—
—but we all need to do our part to help topple the broken industrial food complex and take control of our systems and nutrition. We've gone from Victory Gardens to HOA hate letters in less than a century. Victory Gardens died out the same year that the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization was founded. Coincidence? Maybe. Probably. I just plopped in the first major food event that Google said happened that year and drew a conclusion. TV dinners wouldn't ruin home meals for another 8 years, although diners and drive-thrus did start to conquer the scene just after the war...
Anyhow, let's go ahead and get grossed out and see how many pounds of weight Americans pack on from wieners while toasting their buns between Memorial and Labor Days.
That's 818 per second all summer, according to hot-dog.org.
Dudes, that's over 21 hot dogs per American if everyone was eating them. Take out the hippies and people with common sense and self-respect and I'm sure it clears 30/per heathen. That's just to say that most of us are guilty.
Now I thought this would be more cut and dry like that bad lemon juice peroxide bleach job & haircut you let your neighbor's kid give 'ya in the 80's, but to be frank, these puppies are all over the place. I looked up the top ten selling brands of hot dogs and averaged out their calories:
Ball Park 130
Oscar Mayer 148
Hebrew National 260
Bar S 290
Store Brand 270
Farmer john 140
Average calories 235.33
Then the top buns:
Alpha Baking 140
Sola Gola Wheat 180
Average calories 142
Not counting condiments, we have an average hot dog and bun at 377.33 calories.
But I kept seeing averages from questionable sources like Live Strong and Eat This Much, so I wanted to take their hard work into consideration and average their averages:
Eating Well 270
Housing K State 287
Very Well Fit 314
Eat This Much 290
Confused as to whether or not they were looking at HDs&Bs on the same planet, I'm surprised by their average hot dog and bun of 282 calories.
So to be fair, we'll consider both and show a range of tons of wiener weight.
Calories Sold ÷ 3,500 calories* = Theoretical Human Weight
*1 lb human fat = 3,500 calories
7 billion hd&b X 377.33 calories = 2,641,310,000,000 calories
2,641,310,000,000 Calories ÷ 3,500 calories* = 754,660,000
754,660,000 Pounds of Theoretical Human Weight
"Trusted" Sources "Research"
7 billion hd&b X 282 calories = 1,974,000,000,000 calories
1,974,000,000,000 Calories ÷ 3,500 calories* = 564,000,000
564,000,000 Pounds of Theoretical Human Weight
of Theoretical Human Weight From Summer Hot Dogs
HEALTHY HOT DOG ALTERNATIVES
To help knock a few pounds off the near equivalent tonnage of the Empire State Building, here are some resources to help you find with your future favorite franks that might help you and yours celebrate a few more Memorial Days this lifetime. There has to be at least one in there worth trying...
HEALTHY-ISH HOT DOGS